On Jan. 11, Sarah Palin was hired by Fox News as a “contributor.” In the face of the obvious liberal media bias, Fox News has decided to be the maverick and single-handedly compensate for all the Bill Mahers and Jon Stewarts out there. In a press release, Rupert Murdoch stated, “This had nothing to do with the obvious fact that she is a very attractive woman. She is obviously a very intelligent, refined, and articulate person, and that is why she has been hired. Her vast experience in international matters will also be a great contribution. After all, how many people can say that they see the continent of Russia from their back porch?” Murdoch also stated that, “Sarah Palin will be there to balance out other hosts.” According to one executive at Fox News, “Glenn Beck never stops and Sarah Palin always quits, so it’s a perfect match.” When asked if the move will upset Fox’s reputation of fair and balanced reporting, Murdoch said, “No of course not. We will always treat the GOP position with fairness and balance.”
The move was resoundingly supported by the National Comedians Association, a group that represents America’s best in comedy. Patton Oswalt said, “Sarah Palin is totally a Democrat now because without her us poor comedians wouldn’t make any money.” Larry the Cable Guy, as one of the most prominent members of NCA, has created an exploratory committee to take over the governorship of Alaska as a move to support the Palin movement.
There was an equal amount of criticism by some organizations such as the National Wolf Council, due to Palin’s wolf hunting. Ruff Wolfe, president of the organization, stated that, “I always thought a Fox and wolf could get along. But times are changing.”
Shows that Palin will be periodically hosting, include “You Betcha!,” “Sass & Class,” “The Daily Wink,” and “Real American Stories.” “Real American Stories” is a program that will talk about the stories of people like Joe the Plumber, who are from the “pro-America areas of this great nation” such as all the states with secessionist movements like Texas and Alaska.
Along with this contract is a book deal, which Fox News is hoping will live up to her NY Times bestseller “Going Rogue: An American Life.” It will be called “Drill, Baby, Drill! (but only after you get married… unless you are my daughter)” which is to be released in 2011 concurrent with her prospective bid as a presidential candidate for the Bull Moose Party as well as the Republican Party.
Sarah Palin, in a statement released by her spokesperson, stated that she took the job because, “Yeh know, it’s all about job creation and shoring up the economy. After all, that’s why I left my governor’s position open.”
Talking about open positions, MSNBC has decided to hire Sasha Baron Cohen to write a documentary about the life of Todd Palin called “Nailin’ Palin: Behind Every Great Woman is a Great Man” as a counter to the potential loss of male viewers to Fox News.
Rush Limbaugh stated that, “The Republican Party has done some bad things in the past like excessive spending, instituting bad fiscal policy and ending slavery. Now, though, we have been redeemed because Sarah Palin has joined the media in an attempt to end its liberal dominance.”
Web Ed. Note: This article was co-written by Benjamin Bracher.