Student Discovers Meaning Of Life And Immediately Forgets

SobertsonLast Friday before the Stoplight Party, an SU Philosophy major discovered the meaning of life but then forgot it after partying too hard. The student refused to be named out of what he reported as “complete shame over the whole incident,” but let’s just call him Semington Sobertson. In a release that he gave to the “Journal of Philosophy,” he stated, “I totally had it. I mean it was so clear in my mind. Then I went out to Stoplight and got wasted and now I can’t remember it.”

Sobertson YellingSobertson was apparently working on his capstone and attempting to discover the meaning of life. He stated, “People think a philosophy major is really easy and all of that crap, but do you know how much I have to smoke to get to the existential point of metaphysical realization? I’m paying more money for bud than I am for a semester at this school.” Robertson became interested in discovering the meaning of life after watching Monty Python for a philosophy paper and “being really pissed off that the movie didn’t even say anything about the meaning of life.”

He stated that after close examination of his memories he thinks that the meaning of life might be drinking, dancing and partying, but he is not entirely sure. His advisor Dr. Phil Hopkins reported, “It is a huge loss for philosophy. Though I’m kind of glad he forgot to be honest. I would be out of a job if he had remembered it.” Hopkins reminisced with journalists about the time one of his other students spoke with God and tried to determine “which came first: the chicken or the egg?” Apparently he also forgot, but he published a Capstone paper anyway titled: “From What I Can Recall, the Answer to the Question Which Came First the Chicken or The Egg is The Frying Pan.”

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