What's Happening Around Campus?

  • Off the Plate/Under the Sheets,” gallery opening mistaken for Food Fetish Support Group
  • Students cope with tuition hike and to-go container fees by selling plasma, sperm, bone marrow and harvesting eggs
  • Water falls from sky, students confused
  • Horrific male:female ratio continues to help guys score girls who are out of their league
  • Freshmen begin swiftly cycling through identities
  • Megaphone editors still can’t speel
  • Creepy alumni continue to frequent college parties in attempt to score quality pot
  • Southwestern celebrates 10th anniversary of Dixon Scholarship, though only recipients even know what that is
  • Apogee still sucks, throwing Lord Center residents into angry, violent frenzies nightly
  • PKA successfully reinforced fraternity stereotypes by hosting “White Trash Bash” at last Wednesday’s Study Break. Facebook photos were posted in real time, allowing partygoers to comment while still intoxicated
  • Pirate bikes found sleeping in tight herds at night near Cullen
  • Despite regional water restrictions, Southwestern continues to utilize sprinklers to water pavement in hopes of growing more buildings on campus
  • Seventy freshmen block campus walkways while buying Led Zeppelin prints at the campus poster sale after discovering the band last week at their first college party
  • Students adopt new drinking games in light of the swine flu outbreak, such as “H1N1-Pong,” where red and blue Solo cups are filled with water, and students drink out of their own cup
  • The International Tribute in McCombs Center features an upside down Colombian flag situated directly next to the American flag
  • Seniors struggle to articulate a description of Paideia on resumes and graduate school applications
  • SU Recycling reveals rampant alcoholism and poor taste among campus residents. Bud Light Lime, really?
  • The entire study body has an obnoxiously strong opinion on the H1N1 swine situation, though only two students made an appearance at Friday’s student body forum on the flu
  • Genius texting on front row still thinks professor can’t see him
  • Thursday, Saturday and Sunday mornings have come to resemble Easter egg hunts around campus, as hung-over, underage students attempt to retrieve lost cell phones, keys and digital cameras before resorting to Campus Wide email proclamations
  • Upperclassman drives over curb and through manicured campus lawn in a desperate midnight attempt to jump-start roommate’s car
  • Dean’s List graduate scores hot waitress gig in Austin, will commute from her parents’ Georgetown garage apartment
  • Flu quarantined campus students run out of food, toilet paper, dignity
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