Written by Andrew Dornon
Here’s the story of Trey Frye, a freshman at Southwestern University. When I first met Trey, he espoused his loathing of a nationalized health care system. I instantly knew a long and conflicting relationship would follow. Being the generally stereotypical Southwestern student that I am, I can crack jokes about Republicans and Christians with the best of them. Trey Frye is both of those things. Thus, I assumed that my time with Trey would be filled with ethnocentric comments and imperialistic notions. The actuality of it all was rather different.
Andrew Dornon: So, Trey how would you describe your neoconservative, racist political views?
Trey Frye: “I’m economically conservative, generally against big government and a bit more socially liberal…not meaning socialized medicine.”
AD: Of course not. So, what’s your position on universal healthcare then?
TF: “I’m against it.”
AD: Because you hate poor people and think they should die in agony?
AD: But you’re a Republican?
TF: …[no response]
AD: Well if you are against universal healthcare, then should poor people just steal the healthcare?
TF: “Well, I guess they could, but they shouldn’t. There should be a more community-based system of providing healthcare.”
AD: Moving on, do you consider yourself part of God’s Army?
TF: Define God’s army.
AD: Are you ok with pictures of dead fetuses?
AD: What if they deter the vigorous slaughter of unborn children?
TF: “Well, I mean, I guess for educational purposes. I don’t really know, I’m going to have to plead ignorance.”
AD: What about bombing abortion clinics and the evil perpetrators of such vile acts?
TF: “That’s not the right response.”
AD: What is the right response?
TF: “It should be left up to the state; the people should be able to choose if they want to allow it. But no extremist bombings.”
AD: But what if no one’s inside?
TF: “That’s called vandalism…or arson. I don’t support that either.”
AD: I guess what I’m trying to get at here is this. Is Barack Obama a secret Muslim terrorist?
TF: “No, even though he does have ‘bomb’ in his name.”
AD: You’re aware that his middle name is Hussein?
AD: How do you feel about this? Can you think of any other famous Muslims with this name?
TF: “It’s just his middle name, there’s no connection.”
AD: So if Obama isn’t a terrorist, you must not be voting for him because he’s black. How do you feel about black people?
TF: “My roommate’s black and we get along fine.”
AD: So, I assume you’re going to vote for our beloved war hero, John McCain?
AD: Because he hates terrorists?
AD: How do you feel about being surrounded by the Communist atmosphere that encompasses the Southwestern community?
TF: “Well, it’s there. I like being different.”
AD: How many people laugh at your political beliefs a day?
TF: “A few have snickered, more so about my religious views.”
AD: So they are terrorists?
TF: “No, not as far as I know.”
And there it is, a wild look inside the mind of Trey Frye, one of the only conservative Christians I know at SU. It seems to me that he isn’t a real conservative because he isn’t as overtly racist and foolish as most. This could just be a cover, as he tries to infiltrate Southwestern University and reveal it for the Commie breeding ground that it is. Who knows?
This interview instead might prove to disprove the notion held by many on campus that conservatives are horrible ignorant human beings that simply exist to enslave the world and keep poor people poor. I guess we’ll never know.